When she is a No

This year has been a rollercoaster ride.

One after another, threads asking me to constantly refine my desires and boundaries.

The most crucial part: Finding my "No."

I can feel myself going deeper, gaining clarity, and truly understanding the meaning of that word.

There was a time when sensing my "Yes" and "No" came effortlessly.

I was connected with my inner child, fully immersed in my senses, navigating life based on feelings and desires, without overthinking.

Life was an embodiment of experiences.

I remember when I started closing the doors to that world.

When I began identifying more as a person, striving to maintain a sense of safety and stability in my environment.

For me, saying "No" became harder.

"No" started to symbolize a potential loss of love.

"No" started to mean jeopardizing my perceived safety.

Love equated to safety.

Love equated to approval.

Olivia craved love.

Olivia had to be a "Yes."

To most things.

To most people.

But then I started realizing that "Yes" wasn't always true.

And "No" became a more frequent experience.

I just couldn't feel it.

"No, I can't come."

"No, I don't want to have sex."

"No, I don't like this."

"No, I don't want to be with you."

"No, thank you."

Simple, right?

Yet, incredibly difficult to communicate and embody.

I have climbed mountains on my journey to access this "No."

Yet, my "No" remains a constant teacher.

Because I can find myself drifting far away from it when I lose touch with that deeper thread.

And it's always my responsibility to find my way back to her.

No matter what it takes.

The way I personally reconnect with myself is by finding my way back to my body and my grounded center.

When I can truly feel myself, when I'm anchored, I find it much easier to gain clarity or acknowledge that I don't yet have clarity on something.

This step of slowing down and reconnecting with my body is the key to expressing what's happening internally with clarity and accuracy.

And I have found that when I create spaces designed to invoke authentic expression, we prioritize being present in our bodies so we can feel our truth.

How does your inability to say affect your overall feeling of being expressed?