Want to Feel More Power? Tell Yourself the Truth More
One of the greatest tragedies of modern life is where you've believed that your power comes from outside of you and you've forgotten how to lovingly and honestly tell yourself the truth.
Now we are indulgent creatures, we love to be wanted, we love to experience pleasure and live the good life. Riding high and being on the train of impulsion can feel absolutely wonderful. And yet, do all our impulses need to be explored?
The Cost of Impulsion
I define impulsion as when you feel the desire for something and you absolutely have to have it, you cannot put it down, your life starts depending on having it and you're willing to risk a lot in the process. It has a shadow quality to it because usually we aren't fully honest with ourselves that we are willing to just go-hung after it no matter what the cost. Our unconscious buried parts tend to be leading.
Usually, I believe we do have an internal sensor that is giving us a warning that this will be a costly pursuit. But it's at the back somewhere buried. We prefer to proceed anyway, making a commitment that we will clean up whatever bill comes.
But really, what I see happening most of the time is we aren't willing to tell ourselves the truth about the cost. If we did, for example, feel the true cost of an impulse like an affair, would we be okay if it cost us our marriage?
A Short-Sighted Approach
This approach and relationship to desire is a short-sighted one. It becomes only about now and making the now better. It has little regard for the future impact or consequence of the choice. And this makes sense because it's extremely hard to see what the long-term consequence of something might be while we're in it. Or to be really honest with ourselves about what's driving our impulse.
Patterns to Consider
I have been thinking a lot about this and have broken down the following patterns for you:
Pattern 1: Extreme Career Goals
When your career goals are so extreme, you sabotage your relationships and health in pursuit of them.
What's likely driving you: It is likely driven by low self-esteem, coupled with the fantasy that "destinational success" will fix the broken and unworthy parts within you.
What you can't admit: You secretly enjoy the dopamine rush of over-working to mask your feelings of failure and impostor syndrome. Even when you fail, lose everything, and have to start over, it's still worth it to you to keep going rather than pause and examine what's driving you.
Long-term cost: Your physical and mental wellbeing, nourishment from your close relationships, your stability every time you have to restart.
What you need: To remember that you can only achieve success to the extent that you believe you deserve it. Building a career that is honest and honors and boosts your self-esteem will take time.
Inspired wisdom: You may need to restart your career multiple times before your desires align with what you can actually receive. The more you learn to tell yourself the truth, the fewer times you need to start over.
Pattern 2: Intense New Relationships
When you find yourself in an intense new relationship and you're losing your sanity to maintain it.
What's likely driving you: Low self-worth and the allure of fantasy, seeking validation and temporary pleasure, combined with the addiction to intense emotions and escapism.
What you can't admit: You enjoy being captivated by the superficial charm of the person rather than facing the reality of who they truly are. You're attached to the ease of feeling euphoric and open in the realm of fantasy.
Long-term cost: Your sanity, relationships affected by your absence during your escape, mistrust in yourself for your choices.
What you need: Remember that your openness belongs to you and is not dependent on someone's approval or presence in your life.
Inspired wisdom: Your worthiness is a strength that grows in relationships that don't push you to extremes. True worthiness comes from within, not from someone's desire for you.
The Power of Truth
So in both these examples, the question really lies, is the cost worth it? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. That's really for us to decide on our own.
What I know to be true as a teacher of Desire for the last 6 years is that we live much more fulfilling lives and experience far less despair when we have a truthful relationship with ourselves. Life also tends to be less dramatic and draining when we can exist outside of the grey dark and just learn to name exactly what we are doing and why we are doing it. Not because we should be justifying our wants and desires but because life is far more clear when we aren't living in the fog.
This is, of course, a practice and what I've seen happen with people in my life, friends, and especially clients. When you spend enough time around me and influenced by my work, you start to get really good at being a lot more specific and truthful. Powerful people are truthful people. You aren't hiding and you aren't posturing. You're clear on what you're doing and why you're doing it.
That is what I'm really brilliant at offering the world: how to actually be powerful by changing your relationship with your desires. No more hiding, shaming, burying, or pretending. In my world, all of your desires, shadow or otherwise, get to see the light of day. It doesn't mean you always act but it does mean you are always as truthful as you can be.